My wife pushes me to the point of rageful bursts. How do I control it?

For instance... We were all ready to go to church, but we were missing a peice of literature. She starts blowing up because I decide not to go. So I start taking off my church clothes and she starts screaming at me. It feels as if the water has just been put onto the stove. Things are getting heated. More yelling. More and More. Keep in mind I am responding to her screaming with a calm voice. That just seems to turn up the heat. So in an act of rage she throws my guitar on thew ground very hard and that's when it happens. I pick up an object as if to throw at her but I catch myself. She yells more. More clothes come off and I want her out of my closet very bad. So with paroxysmal movement I shove the door closed very hard as if I am trying to push a diesel off of my child. She starts crying as usual and I come out to comfort my love who I may have hurt. It's always like this at least once a month. I really don't want to hurt her but I might. HOw do I stay calm?My wife pushes me to the point of rageful bursts. How do I control it?
I understand, I've gone through similar situations myself.





When I looked at the occurances in my life, it occured to me that the progression typically followed a similar path.





I would be 'busy' with something, or I would get annoyed at something. I thought if I mentioned it, I would be nitpicking (like she seemed to do all the time), and that in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter and I wouldn't care in another two minutes. Unfortunately, when she would start giving he heck about something I felt was trivial, I would 'loose it' and lay into her about all the stupid little things I had ignored over the past day or two. Try talking to her immediately about what she does to pissYouOff, but say ';it upsets me when...'; and ';I feel like ___ when you do this...';. It may feel unnatural, but its the way they communicate. A good one is to say ';would you help me...'; they can't refuse that one.








I think after someone gets married, the little things come out more because now you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. On the other hand, the good times are also a little better.





When it comes down to it, men take on a big part in trying to keep a relationship together because we are more compromsing, we will give in first to retain the peace (and we don't want to hear about it for the next 15 years).





You can't change her, you can only change yourself. She doesn't think she is doing anything wrong either. So be the bigger person, bust your a$$ harder. I think we get raited on external contributions (job), internal home contributions (house work, kids), and romantic contributions (take her out to dinner for no reason, buy her flowers unexpectedly, etcecera...).





It can be as annoying as hell.





I decided to keep the kitchen spotless, and she does't bug me as much about other little things. A little can go a long way, but little screw ups in certain areas can work hard against you too. ALWAYS buy her cards for EVERY occasion. It may seem like a waste of money, but if it keeps her happy, it will save your guitar and sanity.





Don't try to figure them out, they're not like buddies. Mt best friend was my roommate for four years, and we never even had an argument, but we didn't harp on each other about stupid things either.





Get a punching bag in the garage, or take up a hobby, to take your mind off of her psycho behavior.





Good luck dude. Don't worry too much, every guy has been through it. And you'll get through it too.My wife pushes me to the point of rageful bursts. How do I control it?
In my oppinion i think seeing how your headed to church it isn't just your wife but the Devil and his evil spirit working to keep you from going and succeeding if you are now decideing not to go. so i say ask her if you can pray with her about finding it or.pray about whatever is causeing the problem and see if that can help you become closer before blowing up. sometimes just remember God at a time when he is most needed is a good thing.


resist the devil and will flee from you.
When you are about to get angry, try to sit if you are standing, or try to lie down if you are sitting. This is working.





Another way is that try to wash your face, hand and front head... Water can cool you down...
Well, you have to teach a child early on that they will not be allowed to show you disrespect, and you must stick to it.





Your situation here is the result of you NOT doing this same thing with your wife, and will be difficult to change now. Even if you dump her, she will change only long enough to get you back for more abuse.





Get a new wife and don't make the same mistake. That's what I did....
Just PUSH HER OFF A ROOF and GO SHOPPING !!





Eat at a nice restaurant, and PRETEND YOU KNOW NOTHING !!
boy, talk about co-dependent...





You've both developed a pattern that ultimatly satisfies her needs.





Try this, just for one month, become the perfect husband (and do it without an ounce of resentment or indecision). after one month let me know how things are





trying to tweak just one part of your ritual (';stay calm';) has as much chance of success as does trying to make a soup sandwich
Nobody ';makes'; you go into a rage. It's your reaction. You can choose how you react. You just have to reprogram yourself. Now, it sounds as if she has some issues, too. (ya think?) You both are playing this same game. You both have to learn not to react. But the only one you can change is you.


(Do you end up going to church at all? Does this happen mostly at that time? Is it an issue of not wanting to go?)
If you are having urges toward violence, maybe it's time to seperate for a while. It takes two people to fight. Decide you are going to be calm anytime there is a conflict. Tell her you need time to think about how to react to your feelings.





Please seek counseling from someone who regularly counsels people. Violence is a criminal act and has profound consequences. It requires prfound effort to work things through. You need help. Please ask for it.
I think your calm behaviour pushes her to become ever more mad. Because she does not get any answer/response...till you blow up.


And I think that you should start to confront right away instead of trying to appease at all costs. Strangely enough..a calm voice can actually make somebody even in a worse state.


You want to sound rational. She is all emotional.


Being overly rational when dealing with someone's else feelings - especially a closed person - makes them feel that their needs and emotions are not recognised and not worth a lot.


You are keeping a lid on your own emotions at first, thinking that you are behaving like a reasonable adult until the water boils so much underneath that you cannot control yourself anylonger.


I think your attitude is making your wife's yelling even worse because you behave as though you don't care. She does look a bit over the top alright but don't make it worse by treating her like a 2 year old ';come on, come on stop your tantrum and be reasonable kind of way';.


Instead of being cool, calm and collected .......and then exploding - after all you are keeping yourself in a very tight check - try not to avoid the argument.


Argue back straight away and maybe it will stop the situation from escalating so much.





You look like a car ready to drive but with the brakes on...until you go way over the limit....


She looks like she starts the car and also goes way over the limit.





Both your approaches to things and perspective should be discussed between the two of you I think.





You made me think of the movie ';cat on the tin roof'; (forgot title) with Liz Taylor and Paul Newman !





Or go and see a counsellor before something really bad happens which you might regret later !
You say it happens once a month? Midol man...
I am impressed that you can remain calm in such a situation and that in the end you are still able to to go and comfort your wife.


You two should go see a therapist. I know, nobody wants to hear this but it really helps.


There could be something else that concerns your wife and make her react like that. Although you love her that much you won't be able to stay calm forever. Seek professional help before things escalate. You will also find out so much more about each other and will bring you so much closer again.
As a previous respondent answered, you are the one to choose how you respond toward your wife (or anyone for that matter); no one makes you do or feel anything - your wife doesn't control your emotions. However, considering your wife's rageful behavior, the both of you may want to seek professional help via a marriage and family therapist to learn how to peacably resolve conflict. Your wife might even need medication in some cases.